Bright Sayings To Tell The Deputy
Or " How to Get His Attention ! "
Sorry, Deputy, I didn't realize my
radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Say, aren't you the guy from the Village
People?
Hey, you must've been doin' about
125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
Are You Andy or Barney?
I thought you had to be in good physical
condition to be a Deputy Sheriff.
You're not gonna check the trunk,
are you?
I pay your salary!
Gee, Deputy! That's terrific. The
last Deputy only gave me a warning, too!
Do you know why you pulled me over?
Okay, just so one of us does.
I was trying to keep up with traffic.
I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they
are.
When the Deputy says "Gee Son....Your
eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond
with, "Gee Deputy your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands
off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster
than 1,200 feet per second?" (In case you didn't
know, that is the average
speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun.)
"So you don't know how fast
you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the
ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I
don't think it
will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift
supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to
do
that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this
last question will determine whether
you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse
a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place
where you
go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
"Listen with your ears, not with your mouth."
"Yeah, we have a
quota. Two more tickets
and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"In God we
trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two
beers?"
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas
but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm
glad to hear the Sheriff is a good personal friend of
yours.. At
least you know someone who can post your bail."
